A person susceptible to “wanderlust” is not so much addicted to movement as committed to transformation.
When you have mixed feelings about an abusive relationship
I believe abuse is so pervasive that every human needs to hear this. I agree with almost everything except for the hate part. Hate is toxic. Trust me, I used to be hateful towards my abusers; It will devour you. Try compassion.
Content warning: this post probably uses language that gets used against abuse victims. I’m trying to avoid that, but I don’t think I’ve entirely succeeded, and some of these words might be triggering. Proceed with caution.
So, here’s the thing.
People are complicated, and relationships are even more complicated. Abuse victims are often pressured to pretend that things are simple. They’re pressured to believe that if there was any positive aspect whatsoever to an abusive relationship, then it wasn’t really as abusive as they think it was.
But it doesn’t work that way. People aren’t averaged. People can do some really good things, and some abusive things. They don’t cancel each other out. They coexist. Whatever else happened, the abuse was real, and you’re right not to tolerate it.
Sometimes… sometimes your abuser is also the person who taught you your favorite recipe.
Or something fundamental about how you understand the world.
Or a major skill you now use professionally.
Or maybe they gave you a lot of valuable criticism that made your art better.
Or maybe they supported you materially when you were in real trouble.
Or any number of other things.
…none of that makes the abuse ok. None of that is mitigating in any way. It doesn’t cancel anything out. Sometimes people talk like the abusive interactions and the good ones get put in a blender or something, and like some sort of theoretical blended average is what really counts. That’s not how it works. It’s the actual interactions that count, not some theoretical average. The abuse is real, and significant, no matter what else happened.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other. If some things about an abusive relationship were positive, it’s ok to acknowledge and value them.
And you can still refuse to ever have anything to do with your abuser ever again. You can still be angry. You can still hate them. You can still decide never to forgive them. You can still warn people against them. None of these things are mutually exclusive.
And, most importantly, valuing some aspects of the relationship or having some positive memories does not in *any way* mean the abuse was your fault.
This is so, so important and I can’t believe it has less than 1,000 notes. This needs to be shared.
Bolded emphasis mine.
I wrote this months ago, and I’ve gained around 3,000 followers since then. It occurs to me that some of y’all might not have seen this post and might want to see it.
a close approximation to how i view reality. :P omg, can’t. stop. watching… can this please become a VR game!?
A man in the grocery store line today approached me and said, “Sir, when I first saw you I was extremely attracted to you, but then I noticed that you are a boy. How… I mean, why do you dress so provocatively?”
I responded, “Well, in today’s world the majority of the straight male race view women as objects, or something that belongs to them. I dress provocatively because it attracts the attention of men in a sexual and OBJECTIVE way. However, when realized that I am actually male, they often become confused, disgusted, upset or all of the above. By inflicting this minor emotional damaged upon the ego of a man raised by twisted societal gender norms, maybe, just maybe the individual will think twice before viewing another woman with an objective attitude and sense of belonging. No woman, belongs to ANYONE. Male or female, the equality of human beings needs to be a priority. It is something worth dressing up for.”
I AM NOT KIDDING. The woman behind me, the female cashier, the old lady bagging groceries and the woman in front of me who was talking on the phone STOPPED, …. and proceeded to gasp and clap. The man shook my hand, told me to have a blessed day and then said, “excuse me ladies, I need to visit my daughter.”
…. I was shaking by the time I walked out of the store.
- Elliott Alexzander
"If Talbot had been a brown-skinned conservative Muslim who’d been arrested after planning to attack Christian churches in America with bombs and machine-guns, I suspect there would have been screaming front-page headlines and round-the-clock intensive CNN coverage for days, not to mention grim, determined reporting on Fox News."
Giver’s Mantra: “I love you just as you are, and I serve you with my full presence and awareness without expectation.”
Receiver’s Mantra: “I am worthy of unconditional love just as I am. How much healing, love, and pleasure can I allow myself to take in?”
This is a pretty big deal.
Astronomers have found the first direct evidence of cosmic inflation, the theorized dramatic expansion of the universe that put the “bang” in the Big Bang 13.8 billion years ago, new research suggests. via All Science, All the Time/fb
If it holds up, the landmark discovery — which also confirms the existence of hypothesized ripples in space-time known as gravitational waves — would give researchers a much better understanding of the Big Bang and its immediate aftermath.
"If it is confirmed, then it would be the most important discovery since the discovery, I think, that the expansion of the universe is accelerating," Harvard astronomer Avi Loeb, who is not a member of the study team, told Space.com, comparing the finding to a 1998 observation that opened the window on mysterious dark energy and won three researchers the 2011 Nobel Prize in physics.
A team led by John Kovac, of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, is announcing the results today (March 17), unveiling two manuscripts that have not yet been submitted to peer-reviewed journals. Kovac’s team will also discuss the results in a news conference today at 12 p.m. EDT (1600 GMT)
"Life should be lived to the point of tears… So fall in love, or die trying."